I believe in honoring my writing. What ever hits the page, hits the page, and I wear my heart on my sleeve for the whole world to see. However, my heart feels heavy after my last post. What I haven’t been giving you(the writing I have been keeping to myself), now seems to have been the better choice in all of this. It was not right of me to post/read that to anyone. It was beautiful, but painful. I see that clearly. I’ve gone back and forth about taking it down, but for now it’s still there. I am going to be making a conscious effort to be more present, and not give so much of my overwhelming sorrow to anyone who will listen. For the record, sorrow and I may be old friends, but I have learned how to be happy, how to move forward, how to finally be a part of my own life. I smile more now, and that’s huge for someone who’s always been internally sad. The sorrow lives deep in my mind, not my heart, and my last post was closer to a subconscious train of thought than conscious.
“Forgiveness is for anyone who needs safe passage through our minds.” – Rev. Dr. Kathianne Lewis.
I’ve had the honor of meeting Buddy Wakefield a few times in my life. The most recent being a feature at Northampton Poetry. Two years ago my life seemed to fall apart; I could do nothing right to hold it together. A friend recommended Buddy’s poetry to me and he quickly became something of a spiritual mentor, or guide. Along with poetry, I soaked up every book and article on human behavior, learning how to help myself through breathing, and learning to be present. Through all of this and a good therapist, I saw my self worth grow to a healthy place for the first time in my life. I encourage everyone to watch, learn Vipassana, or at least remember that stopping, letting go of all thought other than listening and being conscious of your breath, even for just one 3 second in, and 3 second out(average breath), will start to change your life. Your thoughts(even your stress if you choose to let it back in) will still be there 6 seconds later, what could it change. . . except everything!